Mizzou Screams Privatize State Universities

The Mizzou Columns – Jay Buffington

Allegations of lone wolves distributing drunken racial abuse from cars, a fecal swastika smeared on a dorm bathroom wall, and screaming students with claims of systemic racism at the University of Missouri; these are the stories from a national press that is all too anxious to showcase evidence of a congenitally racist American society. The only problem is that these claims are light in the validation department. Even with the release of the photo of a poop-stika (the only corroboration offered so far), evidence seems almost non-existent or open to alternative interpretations other than the ones offered us. For instance, does anyone really think that turd-swastika is an authentic prop of racial intimidation? A reasonable person would assume that a genuine Nazi drawing a swastika in feces would be a little bit like a Catholic urinating in the sign of the cross, both being irreverent to their own beliefs, highly unlikely, and more probable to be either juvenile transgressivism or the latest example of left-wing agitation and grievance mongering on a campus that is, by most accounts, a very liberal University. Anyway, assuming for the moment that these singular events are real (after all, absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence, or something like that), does that justify the mob rule that seems to reign supreme on this university and the other state-run schools who seem keen on joining in? Does it justify the intimidation and abuse, splashed across YouTube, of all those who stand in the way of the social justice warriors? Do these one-off events, that did little more than hurt a few feelings and that are so random and so rare that nobody has any idea of how to prevent them, justify the denial of due process to the recently forced out university leadership? Should this event necessitate the further corroding of what’s left of free speech on American college campuses? No, clearly not. In fact, the thing that seems clear in all of this madness is that the student body is out of control in universities of America. And far from a reality of systemic racism being visited upon Mizzou, the one thing that is clearly systemic is that for decades, rather than teaching young people the skills they’ll need to become employed in real life (you know, that thing that necessarily happens outside of university safe-spaces), the public university systems of this country have instead been feeding their students a steady diet useless progressive-ism that seems more adept at extending adolescence than hastening their maturation.

The liberal university created this authoritarian-progressive monster, known as the student body, and now that the monster has returned to its creator, Frankenstein-like, to wreak havoc, a small part of me enjoys the ironic wrath visited upon the liberal faculty that filled all these empty heads with bad-brains: an education in victim identification and entitlement. It seems very clear that government-run education has failed. And while the wild-eyed protesters expand their racial grievance protest to include demands that they, these very privileged young people, become even more privileged by receiving debt forgiveness, free tuition, and $15 an hour for campus work (all without a real plan to pay for the trillions of dollars needed), I have a very different reform proposal. My suggestion is one that will solve all our problems, including the main problem of giant, huge, whiny man-children on college campuses. It’s time that the tax payers divest themselves from being on the hook for this state run insanity… It’s time that the state system was privatized.
Now, I don’t have a comprehensive plan to regulate all the minutiae that is needed in attending to such a huge shift, unless they’d like to hire me as a consultant (leave comment with phone number), but I would just like to outline some benefits that would come from such a reform. These remunerations would aid not only the tax-payers, but also the universities, and the students themselves. For instance, with privatization, the Universities will most likely benefit from an administration that could throw out ineffectual professors and programs without adherence to tenure, and thus bring down the cost of education. I personally would be glad to see the end of such obnoxious, quasi-religious, naval-gazing courses such as gender studies, queer theory, the joy of Marx, etc. and all those political courses that seem less focused on helping a students get a job rather than converting the student to one or more of the plethora of leftist theories that have little practical application when not executing counter-revolutionaries against a wall. Think of the untold millions of dollars that could be saved on pensions and books, and not to mention the mercy given to untold thousands of students that won’t have to sit through this tripe.

Additionally, a private administration will be unlikely put up with the lawlessness that we’ve seen showcased on Mizzou. Think about it; when was the last time you heard of such chaos run rampant on a private campus, and I mean a real private institution and not one that’s up to it’s eyeballs in state and federal funds? I don’t know either, and that’s because, by and large, private universities don’t put up with it. If you don’t show up to class and miss a test, you fail it. If you try to threaten or intimidate students and faculty, you’re expelled. If you try to take over college property, you are removed and charges are filed. If you demand free tuition with no skills to trade, they laugh. In fact, if privatization was to take place, the universities would find themselves well-suited to de-program their students from all those years of being taught that insidious belief: everyone-is-special-ism. Rather than keeping young adults infantile and expecting that they should be given everything they want because… they want it, private universities would prepare their students for life as an adult in a world that isn’t impressed with their self-esteem, but with what skills and knowledge they have to trade in.

Lastly, with real standards and real consequences in place, not only would the students receive better and more deserved grades, but peace would return to the campus. With a new-emphasis on performance, knowing that they could very well lose their shot in life by being expelled for bad behavior, the students would likely be far too busy studying to congregate in loud and filthy mobs. Also, if a university team football player, with a free-ride and hopes of making in in the NFL, knew that they would certainly be cut and expelled for non-compliance with their contract if they didn’t show up to games in order to further the political ends of the dubious, it would be unlikely that they would be so willing to threaten to ditch, and even less likely that their team-mates would support their hasty decision.

In the end, privatization will be the wave of the future, unless we don’t want to save these massive institutions from collapsing under the weight of civic unrest or insolvency due to the creation of yet another entitlement that we can’t in any conceivable way pay for, sustain-ably. Sure, it doesn’t fix everything, such as addressing public pride in having a state university system (or at least a football team) or what to do with the billions of dollars in endowments that have accumulated inexplicably alongside the hikes in university tuition, but those details can all be worked out in the best and most legal ways possible. And even if the Universities don’t improve under private hands, at least the tax payer would be free from subsidizing a Bizarro world mental institution where the sane enter and insane are discharged.

Ryan Thorson